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Loneliness in today’s society has become so serious that a minister has been appointed by Theresa May to try and tackle it.  “For far too many people, loneliness is the sad reality of modern life,” May says. “I want to confront this challenge for our society and for all of us to take action to address the loneliness endured by the elderly, by carers, by those who have lost loved ones — people who have no one to talk to or share their thoughts and experiences with.”

This social isolation is indeed a huge problem but what if lack of friends and family is not the cause of your loneliness?  What if you feel isolated and alone in a club, at work or out at dinner with your friends? This kind of loneliness could stem from bereavement or loss of a relationship for friendship.  It can also stem from a deeper older cause and that is the relationship you never had with parents or caretakers when growing up.

For whatever reason if when you were young no one ever looked into your eyes and you felt connected or forgot to feed you or wash you or left you at the school gates because they forgot to pick you up can leave you feeling invisible and worthless.  We see people with this wounding all around us, people who are addicted, depressed, have anger issues and people living on the streets who are unable to cope with life.  What can we do about this now as adults?  How can we heal? Is it possible to give ourselves what we never had?  It is not an easy journey to learn to parent ourselves to go inward and sit with very painful feelings that we have been avoiding all our lives – but it can be done.  Look for someone you can work with, it doesn’t matter how they trained just someone you feel you can connect with and feel safe with.  There are a multitude of self-help books that can help you to de-mystify behaviour and why we become so attached to other people and feel our lives depend on keep them with us.  Never give up on that small child within he/she has been waiting for you.

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